Why Bother?

Looking at a mom's life up close may be a dose of birth control for some, and rightly so. Loooong days and nights of infant non-sleep, toddler antics, pre-schooler vomit sessions, the monotony of redirection every 2.5 seconds, car-pool express lanes, and negotiating nap time--it's just not glamorous. 

So, why bother?

Pregancy isn't fun--even Kate Middleton gets criticized at every move of it--labor & delivery is a marathon of effort, and parenting "advice" is dispensed at the tip of every grocery store clerk and old man in the waiting room's tongue.

So, why bother?

You  might have a miscarriage. Your baby might have a birth defect or disorder. Your child might get deathly sick. Your child may die.

So, why bother?

You will be sapped for energy physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It will be "all joy, no fun" (as this book from Jennifer Senior puts it). It will be golden blissful moments buried under Legos, cheese sticks, nose-picking, and diapers. 

So, why bother?

It will be gross: spit-up, vomit, snot, poop, urine, rashes, more poop, more spit-up, more vomit. You'll probably gain weight.  You won't fit into your wardrobe most of the time because of the body changes. People will comment on your size, your haircut, your choice on anything about how you look.

So, why bother?

You won't get enough sleep, you won't eat properly, you'll neglect your hobbies, you'll slack on your exercise. You'll form crutches of sugar, caffiene, alcohol, or Twitter like nobody's business. You'll want a break and not get one for months.

So, why bother?

Why not?

It won't be as hard as you think. You'll have help from corners you'd forgotten. You'll become the expert. *You're* the mom.

So, why not?

It's not as bad as they'll tell you.  You'll have good days and bad days and medium days. You'll overcome obstacles and get things done anyhow. You'll rock your work, your school, your hobbies, your health (--at least some of the time!)

So, why not?

You can use your snark to create come-backs to the Official Board of Advice-Strangers.

So, why not?

Those little people really will be cute little stinkers--who say hilarious things, and do ridiculous things, and have the best logical little arguments for everything.

So, why not?

You'll get to brainwash impart your particular brand of crazy onto the next generation.

So, why not?

Everything worth doing, is worth doing work for. It will be hard, and you won't like it 100% of the time. You will cry, you will want to move to a foreign country by yourself.  You will hide in the bathroom to send witty (ha!) Tweets.

But you will be in awe of the job you have been given, the beautiful little persons you have taken part in creating.

You will get lots of hugs.

You will be loved.

So, why bother? Why not?

Beautiful Monotony: Guest Post @A Knotted Life Today!

I'm so excited to be guest posting over for Bonnie @ A Knotted Life today!  Come join us for a reflection on the "beautiful monotony" of motherhood.  Monasticism, motherhood, and Fulton Sheen--don't miss out!

{FF} Top 5 Tips for Moms of Newborns

Three very dear friends (Sarah + *two* others!) are very close to meeting brand new babies this month, and I couldn't be more excited for them!  In honor of the new babes on the way, I consulted my Mom Guru, my friend Ellie, and we came up with some tips. Now, these are more for the new mom of a newborn, but you veterans out there should glean something! So, since I'm obviously an expert (ha.ha.), here's the tips...

1. Be prepared, (but know that there's only so much you can prepare).
Get stocked up on the practical, basic things you'll need for the first little time after you get home from the hospital.  Get some witch hazel and some mega-huge pads.  Find a comfortable nursing tank top, and maybe an item or two that makes you feel pretty, like a nail polish or a lip balm, because you are going to look for a while, as Grace puts it, like you've been hit by a truck.  Know, however, that there is only so much you can do to get ready for this new life. At some point, she's going to arrive, and send your expectations flying, and you will be the mom. 

2. Remember that the days are short but the years fly by. 
You are going to get tired of hearing "enjoy it now, it flies by" or "they grow up so fast!". When you are sleep-strained and wishing that they would just know one thing to do on their own, you don't want to hear that you're supposed to enjoy something!  So, as Ellie puts it, "tuck away as many memories of your sweet baby as possible...how he smells and smiles and giggles, his fat rolls and soft skin. These memories will serve you well when he turns into a rowdy, unruly toddler who draws on your new couch in black permanent marker".

3. Rest.
While it's not really realistic to "sleep when the baby sleeps" (that's often the only time for showering, dishes, vacuuming, calling a friend or painting your nails as well...), the sentiment is true for sure, especially if you're using up a bunch of calories by breastfeeding.  Your sleep is going to be disrupted, so snatch it where you can.  If a friend offers help, ask them to hold the baby while you take a nap!  Otherwise try to keep a restful attitude for the first few weeks so that your body can recover.  Don't try to have tons of company over to go to all the events there are.  Lay low, start slow. 

4. This too shall pass
I think the most helpful piece of advice I received as a first-time-hassled mom was also from Ellie.  She told me that the super-fussy day/night flipped schedule Leo was keeping was just a phase that he'd grow out of by about 6/7 weeks old.  I was so relieved!  6-7 weeks may sound like an eternity, but just knowing that there was an end in sight made it all easier.  I have continued to remind myself of this advice as the boys have gotten older.  With each new weird sleeping pattern or frustrating behavior that requires constant re-direction, I think "it's just a phase", and it's true!  Moreover, we need them to have these phases, because they are forming us too.  As mothers we are constantly called to rebirth.  As our little one's babyhood passes away, toddler-hood is born and on and on.  So in each stage we face a newness and an overwhelming that molds us into better mothers.  Don't fight this pruning.  It's OK, and it definitely doesn't mean you are a bad mom.

5. It's OK to feel like you have no idea what you're doing
It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and shocked and unprepared for motherhood.  It's healthy to have these feelings because they are the beginning of learning.  They are, as Ellie puts it, "the birth pains of your path of motherhood".  You're learning as you go, but you are that baby's mom.  You are the one whom God chose from all time and eternity to be the mother to this baby at this particular time in your life, and in history.  Your particular gifts, talents, strengths, weaknesses, personality, experiences, doubts, and knowledge are what your child needs.

My Momma rocking it with her cutest child ;)

*Bonus Links*
Toddler Tips
Momma Said
Best Baby Shower Gift
Just Enjoy
The Myth of Motherhood

Joining Hallie over @Moxie Wife for Five Favorites!

The Myth of Motherhood

Wow. There is a whole lot out there written about moms, isn't there?  Mom's are crazy,  mom's are mean, mom's are the best, mom's have it the hardest, being a mom is so rewarding, being a mom is beautiful, being a mom is dumb, working moms neglect their kids, stay-at-home moms are lazy. The range of things written about mom is absolutely no surprise,  because everyone in the world has a mom, and everyone in the world has an opinion.

And so do I!  Time to dust off the old soapbox again, methinks...

This video about how motherhood is the toughest job in the world has gone viral over the past week or so. Matt Walsh beat me to the punch and pointed out some of the flaws with the thoughts behind it.  He pointed out that being a dad is tough as well, that neither job is as tough as that ad for employment made it out to be, and that beyond these things, there is actual damage to portraying motherhood in this way (or, parenthood in general if we're being honest):

I’m all for being real with people, but all we accomplish is making otherwise fine young men and women utterly petrified of starting a family. They constantly hear that you’ll never sleep, your life is over, and you’ll never have fun again, unless you learn to define ‘fun’ as ‘poopy diapers and bankruptcy.’ And then we wonder why birthrates are plummeting? (--Matt Walsh)

So, what's the deal?

There are two extremes of the concept of "mother" being played out in today's society. On the one hand, being a mom is the super-hardest-toughest-most-overlooked position in society; mothers are trampled on, neglected, un-showered and lonely.

Exhibit A
source

On the other end of the spectrum is SuperMom.  A woman so perfect, it's hard to look at her. She has 2.3 to 3.7 children, works part-time, or has a small home business, her house is immaculate, her children are well-behaved, her clothes are fashionable, and she never has a bad hair day. Ever.

Exhibit B.
source

The problem with the two extremes is that nobody wants either one!  Who would vote to be a frumpy frazzled lady for life?  And who wants to try to meet Everest-ian expectations for everything? Nope. 

Not nobody. Not nohow.
source

Now, nobody's kidding anyone here. Being a mom (a parent in general, of course!), is hard.  It is simply not a breeze all of the time. It is actual work. Motherhood is one of the most important jobs on the planet (despite what they say over there @The Guardian--srsly?! Srsly? :P), because you have the immense responsibility of introducing other persons to everything. It's your job to make sure they know how to react and interact and put on pants. All of that.

But motherhood is normal. Let's all say that again. Being a mom is normal. "Mom" is the job description for more people on the planet than anything else.  Seriously.

I once had a friend* ask me how I knew what to do with the boys, like, did I read books or something?  I had to stop and think about it.  I absorbed a lot of mothering information and style by growing up around a bunch of kids. My family isn't humongous by reality TV show standards, but there were always some cousins to babysit.  So, changing diapers, making lunches, and playing made-up games for hours were all, well, normal.  My family gave me the background to assume a lot of the responsibilities of mothering, and, most importantly, the attitude that I could be a mom: normal people are moms, I can do that.

Some of my former charges ;)

Now, I don't think you had to have been an all-star babysitter to be a mom, or even a great mom, but the situation has definitely been made more difficult by the attitude of many people today that I've illustrated above.  When people perceive motherhood (and fatherhood) as either slave-work or heroic, they are repelled from it, because most people are neither slavish nor think themselves heroes.  Add to this is the perception that children are a burden, and that multiple children is an undertaking bordering on insanity, and all of the sudden motherhood is a mystical enigma of epic proportions.

{side bar soapbox: why is it OK to judge other people's family size? Really?}

So, if you didn't grow up in a large family, or weren't babysitting cousins often, it's ok, really.  There are books to read, and blogs, and websites, and medical people, and Google--not to mention that your own mom and friends are a wealth of information.  And if you're ever really starving for advice, just show up at the grocery store with at least one child in tow. There are always experts in the grocery store line. ;)

source

Folks, listen. There are several billion ways in this world to be a mom. Most of them are just fine. You can be employed a lot, or a little, or not at all.  You can breastfeed or bottlefeed, cloth diaper or use disposables.  You can obsess about the ingredients in the Kool Aid, or make your kids boxed Kraft mac n' cheese until they turn orange.  Go for it.

Being a mom is everything they say it is, and you can do it. The trials of toddlers and laundry, budgets and babies, the wondrous monotony of motherhood is normal, and it is good. Somewhere between the Frumpy-Frazz and the Super-Queen lies the truth of motherhood: you.  And lady, you've got this one.

Leo & Mama c. April 2011

*Special thanks to my dear friend for getting me to think about this stuff :)

The Ultimate Baby Shower Gift List With Top Five

Because I am obviously an expert...

I love to give gifts. (I love to get gifts too...hint hint to everybody!). I've been perfecting my baby shower gift by practicing on all the gorgeous friends of mine who are having beautiful babes of late.

It is easy to fall into one of two holes with baby shower gifts:
1. Something frivolous but cute
2. Something seemingly necessary but potentially superfluous

Let me explain.

You folks who go out and buy the-very-cutest-little-outfits-ever fall into Category #1. This is not a bad category, and, to be honest, new moms like to get cute outfits. How-ever, these items are hardly ever used to their potential beyond one-to-three wears per child due to frustration of parents, growth of child, and wrong season-to-child size ratio (i.e. my child fits into the snowsuit now, but it's July...)

Category #2 is made up of people who are even more well-meaning than Category #1, because they try to buy something useful, at even the expense of their own gift-buying-delight, but these items are often too specific to the parents to hit the nail on the head, even with a registry, because new parents don't know yet what they are really going to be using (i.e New Mama thought she'd love baby yoga, so you bought her 16-disc DVD set she wanted, but New Baby is not-having-any-of-it.).

Now, if you have fallen into these categories, fear not! You can stick to them (oldies and goodies), or you can check out...

Drum roll please...

Thanks, Nick.

Solution!

The Ultimate Baby Shower Gift Basket of Useful Stuff for a New Mom

What I have developed is a gift basket of TONs of useful items that new moms don't know yet that they will need. What's great about this basket is that it can be customized to *your* friend, and the amount of money that you want to spend. I usually buy little things periodically that will fit in. Here's the break-down of the basket:

1. Nursing bra (get a cute print, guess on the size & include the gift receipt)
2. Cloth breast pads (practical, reusable, green)
3. Udderly Smooth body cream (or similar, for Mama-pampering)
4. Eos lip balm (b/c something cute for herself)
5. Snot Sucker (aka Bulb Syringe of Blessedness, to be used w/ the Saline drops! )
6. Lansinoh Lanolin ointment (ABSOLUTE must for nursing mamas!)
7. Thermometer (yup.)
8. California Baby diaper cream (or similar, just something on the fancy-end)
9. Ferro Roche chocolates (duh.)
10. Baby Nail Clippers (b/c Aunt Janet says you can't have enough of these, and she's right!)
11. Cliff Bars (or similar, for energy to get to the big day!)
12. Aveeno Baby Sunblock Stick (or similar, mineral-type fancy-ness)
13. Witch Hazel (SO helpful for post-partuum soreness!)
14. Saline nose drops (If you put nothing else in the gift basket, put 5 bottles of this. #1 home remedy for snuffy noses!)

Bonus: The basket can be used later for clothes/blankets/toys by the Mama

The basic formula for the gift is:
1. Some things to pamper/support the mom *now*
+
2. Some practical baby-care items for later, so she doesn't have to run around after them
+
3. Some things to pamper/support the mom *later*
=

Now, the list above is obviously the *Ultimate* pack, but there are times that you need to economize a bit. To that end, I have developed for your viewing (and useful) pleasure:

The {Five Favorites} Baby Shower Gift-Pack

{Suitable for sending across the country via post, or putting in a gift bag, more last-minute}

Good Greens Bars | Eos Lip Balm | Nursing Bra from Target | Little Noses Saline | Lansinoh Lanolin

These top five are the best of the best in terms of pamper now-support later you can get. These bars are *the* most awesome-tasting, healthiest things I've come across. They are SO yummy, and full of good nutrition. I think even the most nauseous of Mamas can tackle some protein disguised as chocolate-y-goodness. The bra and the lip balm will make her feel special, and the saline drops + lanolin ointment are the top picks for home-remedy wonders.

Not buyin' my formula? I just noticed that Grace @CampPatton *just* posted an awesome {labor & delivery} necessities post, and she just had a great post on items to add to your baby registry too. And, if all else fails, give books!

So...what are *you* going to give the pretty Mama-to-Be in your life?

Linking it up with Cristy @ Fountains of Home for Hallie's Five Favourites

Don't Have Kids

In the height of wasting some time online the other night, I came across this gem, "28 Reasons You're Better off Never Having Kids".  [not rated G].

Allow me to get out my soapbox...

source

...ok, here we go.

Now, I can fully grasp any number of serious reasons for not having children, and I can completely comprehend that a fulfilling life can be lead sans offspring, and I am well aware that some people are not ready, or not able to have children.

How-ever.

This piece, however playfully meant, does an injustice to parents and those without children alike.

It says to the childless: you can live as selfishly as possible.  You can sleep whenever you want. You can eat whatever you want. You can party, and have a cleaner home, and travel, and go to the bathroom alone, and have more money, and swear (yes, that was on the list...!) all on your own, as much as you would like, with no strings attached...just don't have kids.

And, just as callously, it says to the parents: your life sucks.

just your basic poster-children parents, right here...
source

They are wrong, and they are wrong on both counts.  To be childless does not mean that you have any right to be a selfish, self-centered person with nothing better to do than take naps.  To be a parent does not mean that you have no enjoyments in life, and have given up on any indulgences, and all sleep or health. These things have more truism than truth to them.

I would argue, that the strings that children attach to us (heart-strings, if you will, as I'm trying to be dramatic...), are entirely worth it.  Children are everything that that silly internet fodder meme-list is saying they are. Children are annoying, they are messy, they are enormously inconvenient. They take up enormous, and often baffling amounts of time, energy, and money.

source

And yet, that is the point.  The demands that our children make upon us take us outside of ourselves, and draw us closer to Heaven. 

heart-strings...

On the flip-side, it is offensive to think that folks with no kids are as shallow as that piece makes them out to be. The people in my life who are childless are in fact extremely generous souls.  One of my dearest friends has no children, and is one of the most mother-ly women I know, caring for her family, friends and community in countless ways.  Another childless friend pours what seems to be every waking minute into caring for those in medical crisis. Those without children are called to live selflessly in other ways, to highlight and bring about the good, the true, and the beautiful with the time, energy, and strength that we parents lack.

source/Shel Silverstein

God calls each person or couple to a certain life. He calls some to have 7 children. He calls some to have no children.  He calls no one to live for the self.  Each of us must pour out our lives, must lay down our selfishness, to make any progress.  It truly is "in giving that we receive, in dying that we are born to eternal life".  The death that St. Francis speaks of in that prayer must for certain be our death to self, for that is what Christ did for us.

Too Much Like Work

I text'ed my sister the other day to tell her that I had a new job description:

{Crisis management for psychologically (and mentally...and emotionally...) volatile individuals who have basic hygiene and nourishment needs and social skills deficiencies.}

Thinking about it later, though, I wasn't sure if I was describing them or me...
Much like this meme from our favorite time-waster:

Those boyos are just crazy...or they drive me crazy...or something...! 

[Disclaimer: I'm not on any drugs.]

Anyways...some days you hit the highs:

You may think this is a  pretty low standard...

And some days not:

He needs more cookies b/c there is still milk left in his cup...
(...and I totally submitted this pic to this blog here...)

...but hey, I'm building my resumé...

Completely Pathetic

There are those days when you haven't gotten enough sleep, and your children haven't gotten enough sleep, and you have already gone *way* way over your imaginary quota of how much TV they will watch, and it's not even 11:30 am yet.  

Those days when you realize that your kids really have needed *constant* redirection, but you really just don't want to have to be nice any dang more times.

Thoughts run through your head like, "Can't you please just have one rational thought, you 3-year-old, you?!" Who am I kidding?  You start saying things like that to your children.

Le great big sigh.  Poor you.

source

I got some pretty simple, yet really sound advice from a mom-friend of mine the other day. She says that sometimes she tries to see her kids in the same light as God sees us.  Our children are pretty pathetic sometimes.  They can't negotiate going to the bathroom without serious fanfare and intervention, let alone the intricate delicacies of getting a younger brother to let go of their hair or to give back a treasured (aka ALL of them) toy.  Pathetic. 

Yet, take a step back, and we're just as feeble.  We can't cope with disasters, we can't relate properly with people, we fall apart when we fail--we are pitiful little creatures, aren't we?

This outlook has helped me immensely, though.  Even in the heat of the 78th "let-go-of-your-brother's-hair" moment, I can remember that I myself am so very small, and need so much direction too.  I need constant reminding, and poking, and prodding to stay on the right track, to choose the good, and to draw closer to holiness.

Putting it this way helps me to have a little more patience, to move with a little more grace, with the meager everyday efforts of my small ones.  I myself need such mercy, as He's reminding me all the time.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor.12:9)

Note to my Nosy Kids Upon Reading My Stuff

{Forget the NSA Listening in on the Phone:
What if the Kids find my Texts?!}

Dear Nosy Kids,

You found my old Facebook, or my old text-ing history, or this blog, or some old Gmail chat session that I thought disappeared into the Internet netherworld 27 years ago: congratulations!

You now know just *how* frustrated I was when you whined at me *all* day, or how hurt I really was when you said that awful thing, or just *how* judge-y I was of that one friend's news.  It's true.  I am a real live person with thoughts and feelings that I've shared with a few people, that may be surprising to you.

You see, back a long time ago, people didn't have text-ing and Facebook, or any kind of *instant* messaging...except of course actually talking to someone, face-to-face, or over the phone (which wasn't recorded either!).  Folks wrote letters, and that can make a very interesting and wonderful record of a life, but what one writes in a letter is very, very different from what one will say directly to a close friend.  And what one says to a close friend directly didn't see the light of day, much less the eyes of prying children.

All this being said, I know that times have changed, and we adjust. I hope that you don't think less of me from whatever it is you find, but I'm not going to censor myself (too much!) in my private conversations just to save face after I'm gone.

I do want you to know a few things though.

1. I love you very, very, very much. You are my best thing, my happy thoughts, my joys and my hopes. I pray for all the best in you.  I have tried to bring you up correctly and to give you the tools to succeed. May you know that you are loved, and seek always to love.

2. I hope whatever you read of me and my past reflects something good on me (of course!), but if it does not, I hope that it teaches you something about life, about relationships, or just makes you laugh.  Motherhood has been (so far!) the hardest-best-easiest-worst job I've ever had. Life in general has been difficult and wonderful. May whatever I've said reflect all this to you.

3. Wash your face and your clothes, brush your teeth, and make your bed.  Pray every day; seek the Lord and trust Him.  Love your family with all you've got. 

...and if I'm still around, but I'm old and don't remember much: don't leave me alone, read funny things to me, and bring me old pictures to look at.  All will be well.   I love you all so much.

All my love, 

Mom

I'm no St. Monica...

There are those days. Those blah-awful days. The days when there isn't enough chocolate to bring it back around. Sometimes they are the actual awful days: days of tragedy and evil, or hurt and anguish. I am just talking about the days when you'd rather whine than do anything, and chocolate and 10 silent minutes to eat it is all you want.

Because, for seriously, chocolate would make everything better:

Grandpa Joe has it right.
Source

We woke up this morning with a nasty-sore throat-sneezy-itchy nose-thing that just stuck around and got worse through the day. This, combined with not enough sleep (which I'm going to blame on Leo's new parlor trick of climbing into bed with us at o'dawn-thirty instead of late-night marathons of Fringe episodes...!) made me in ya know...a really great mood.

And so I consoled myself with reading endless blog posts whilst the boys confetti-ed the floor with their cereals. *yay*

And then a big rain storm came...and my fancy satellite internets stopped. We're talking #firstworldproblems like no other.

So then Leo came up and asked me to turn on the radio (Pandora) so that they could dance. Bless you child. Pandora was broken (dumb internets!), but we *actually* have a regular radio. With a dial. So I turned it on, and scrolled around the FM world until Leo said, "That one!", to Katie Perry. Wonderful. Go for it. 

I don't have pictures of the dancing for you, b/c if I had tried to take pictures, they would have stopped dancing. But Leo's dancing is a melange of jumping side-to-side mixed with spinning in circles with an added somersault thrown in for good measure here and there. Daniel just copies Leo, except that his spins are done on tip-toe (HIL-arious) and his somersaults are just him bending down to put his head on the floor and then popping back up to grin and take the applause. Also, his dancing was interspersed with shoving rice cake and leftover cereal into his mouth, making the floor look *even better* than before. (WHY?! WHY would someone pick SOLID DARK GREEN carpeting?!)

The next song was Pink's new one, 'True Love', wherein she uses the *bad* word "stupid". Leo pointed it out (thanks, Pink), but at least he said "we don't say that word". Win for Mom, I guess.  Pink was followed my LMFAO (obvisouly Mix 94.1 knew it was pre-schooler's hour), and then they'd had enough dancing and wanted to "draw" on paper.

Naptime was a complete joke wherein I dozed for 15 minutes while Leo fidgeted with pillows, animals and books until Daniel squawked enough to rouse me from my stupor to get him. Le sigh.

I had to laugh at myself at this point (which is always a good thing),when I remembered that today is the feast day of St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine. St. Monica prayed and prayed for her profligate son to turn from the errors of his ways (heresy, wine, women and song...you get the picture) and he did. Hence...Saint Augustine. I'm no St. Monica, ladies and gents...but I would like to become more like her someday...

So, I guess the moral of the story is:

Source

The day finished off with Leo watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Daniel clinging to my leg as I vacuumed up the rice cakes and cereals (party hard, boyos...). 

St. Monica, patron saint of married women and mothers, pray for us!

...and all you lovelies out there...send me your chocolate! ;)

{FF} Toddler Tips Edition

Linking it up with Hallie again!
Make sure to head back over there for the better bloggers ;)

and now...

{Five Favorite Tips for Dealing with Toddlers}

1. Use a Timer. 

No joke, this trick is miraculous. Brothers are fighting over a toy? No problem:
Mom: "It's Daniel's turn, Leo, I'll set the timer, and then it will be your turn!"
Leo: "Awright!"

Source

I credit my friend Kaylinne for this one. She works at a daycare, and uses her watch all day long to give kids turns. The day she came over and showed me this one, Leo and Gabriella kept taking turns holding a toy. Long after they weren't even playing with it, they kept passing it back and forth when the time was up! This works for everything. Nap-time, bath-time, time to go inside, taking turns etc. I don't even have to have a timer, Leo buys it when I tell him I have a timer in my head and then say "beep-beep! Timer's up!".

2. Bedtime Picture Book.

Source

Leo was being, shall we say, difficult for bedtimes. My awesome Mom-Mentor friend Ellie gave me this great trick. I made a little picture book from photos I took and a cheap plastic soft photo album. The pictures are of Leo going through the steps of getting ready for bed and being asleep in bed. At the end of the book, it describes how Leo gets stickers for a good bedtime. It took a few days of no stickers, then Leo had the hang of it, and behaved beautifully at bedtime. He's not always peachy, but usually he is brought around by "...oh, I guess you aren't getting a sticker in the morning for a good bedtime...". I don't even have to read the book with him before bedtime anymore...but I have it in case!

3. "When" consequences.

This is another tip that I learned from Ellie way early on, and I love using it. Instead of saying "IF YOU HIT YOUR BROTHER ONE MORE TIME YOU ARE GOING TO TIME OUT!!!", you say "WHEN you hit your brother, you sit on the stairs." It sounds the same at first, but it's ever so subtly different. In fact, instead of threatening your children, you are teaching them that there are consequences to their actions. The results of their behavior are up to them, then, not you. They choose to behave poorly, they get to sit on the stairs, and so on. Also, you aren't threatening them all the time. That is nice too. 

4. Say what you mean.

This one can be summed up b-e-a-utifully by Kendra over @ Catholic All Year in this post. Basically, parenting with authority so that your kids listen and do what you say can be summed up by that one phrase: say what you mean. Always. When kids grow up understanding that you always say what you mean, they understand that you aren't budging, there will be consequences...ba-da-bing, they stop pushing against you (in a perfect world, of course, but hey--this works pretty well;))

5. You don't always have to say no.

Source

Sometimes we get caught up in saying no. We have to say it A LOT throughout the day, mostly so that our children don't involve themselves in life-threatening experiments with the world around them (no, you may not use that knife; no, you may not run into traffic; no, you may not eat all of the cookie dough...). But I think that we get caught up in saying no so often that we forget it's not going to kill us to say yes sometimes...when he asks you to build him a train track, or to play outside, or to read one more story at bedtime. Don't cave into being the yes-man-mom, but know that you can say yes in a lot of situations, and it just might be easier to play outside for 15 minutes, and have a happier kiddo, than to say no and have to deal with the fuss-fest.

There you have it! Now, head back on over to Hallie's to join in the favorites fun! :0)

{FF} Momma Said...

Joining Hallie for Five Favorites.

Make sure to pop back over there for the actual bloggers ;)

***

So, yes, this is a "mommy blog" blogging about other mommy blogs who blogged about being moms...

source

For {Five Favorites} this week, I'm going to take a look at some awesome posts from other bloggers on the blessedness (::wink:wink::) of Motherhood. So, with as much ado as possible, and in no particular order, here we go!

1. 

Sarah @ Two Os + more with
Letting the Sweet Moments Trump the Not So Sweet
Sarah has a very light-hearted and informative blog that always has plenty of variety (I love the pics and the "Out of the Mouth of Dom" in her weekly updates). This post is one of her more serious ones, however, and she tells it straight. Being a mom is pretty bittersweet...and sometimes you just gotta let go of the poopy moments and bask in the sweet ones.

2.

Grace @ Camp Patton with Natural Family Seat of Our Pants

Anyone who's read this blog for 2.5 seconds recognizes that I am a Camp Patton fan. Grace has a dry sense of humor and keeps it honest and snarky about life with 3 under 3. This post highlights some good thoughts about NFP.  I'm planning to enlighten you all with my deeper thoughts on the subject at some future date, and I'll probably link this up again. What I like about it is that it highlights the fact that NFP is different for every couple, and our judgy-mc-judge-thoughts about other families should take the high road. God has different plans for each family...unique, wonderful plans.

3.

Kendra @ Catholic All Year with So You Guys are DONE, Right?
Kendra's blog is one that I've just started checking out (I think Sarah sent me there?). She's a Catholic home-schooling mom of seven kids...and a great resource for mom stuff. I agreed with absolutely everything she had to say about disciplining kids in this post. The post above, however, is a nice perspective on larger families. When people start telling you at 2 kids that you've got your hands full...it's nice to know what you might say ;). Her thoughts on families don't quite mesh with mine, so perhaps that's why I like to read her thoughts. The stigma that families with more than 3 kids have something wrong, or obviously were mistaken, or whatever need to be broken down. Children are beautiful gifts, and some people are called to have plenty of them :0). 

4.

Haley @ Carrots for Michaelmus
with Trying Not to be the "Just Wait" Mom
Haley is another blog that Sarah sent me to :D. She's got great thoughts and reflections (and has chickens too!). This particular post was great, because it wasn't quite what I expected. I thought Haley was going to tell us not to be impatient with the day-to-day motherhood blah stuff (which is a good thing to think!), but instead she went one better. This post teaches us "older" (ha-ha!) moms not to hurry the "younger" ones along. As someone who feels like an *expertista* on most everything after running through it twice, I needed this one. 

5.

Bonnie @ A Knotted Life with Nine Months of Doing it Wrong
Bonnie is a mother of six with good perspectives and solid experience. I feel like I'm reading advice from an older sister or aunt at times with her :0). Her thoughts in this post totally clicked with me. Just before going in to deliver her newest baby, she reflects on the backwards way she has been praying for the last several months. She had prayers of fear. I've realized a lot lately that I pray in much the same way (and I'm trying to become better!). My prayer is often fear-based, as in: "Please don't let x-y-z happen to us!!!". These are the moments of growth...the stretching times when we realize why God made motherhood such a well-trodden path in this life.

>>Bonus Blog Reel<<

Check out the following blog superstars for more great Mom tips:

Kelly @ This Aint the Lyceum

Jen @ Conversion Diary

Hallie @ Moxie Wife

Dwija @ House Unseen 

Jessica @ Housewife Spice

No good thing

Joining Jen @ Conversion Diaries for THE 7-day Challenge :0)

Reflection on Psalm 84:10-12

"For a day in thy courts is better    than a thousand elsewhere.I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God    than dwell in the tents of wickedness.For the Lord God is a sun and shield;    he bestows favor and honor.No good thing does the Lord withhold
    from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts,    blessed is the man who trusts in thee!"

-Psalm 84:10-12

We all have *those* days. Those pull your hair out I don't wanna be here anymore kind of days. Great big LE SIGH kind of days. Mom of toddlers have these days all the dang time, it seems. This being said, I truly believe that I am getting better at this game...that perhaps I won't have to wait until Leo is ten (approx. 2,602 more days: OH. MY. LORD.) to have more peaceful days.

I see a face like this one:

this boy. those eyes. those vampiric teethers.

...and I realize that the answer lies somewhere among the cliches about changing my attitude, appreciating the small moments/teensy successes, and the proverbial dirty diapers. My blessings are here already.

Leo took these shots :0)

melt.

 

too dang cute.

The Terrible Twos

 I’m pretty sure that I announced the arrival of Leo’s terrible twos when he was, oh, 17 months old...and I was going to give you an update about life from his point of view now, at 2 ½ years old...but this tumblr already did it for me.

Leo’s list would also include the fact that his hair has nerve endings in it (...and Mom kept on trimming anyways...). He screamed the whole time, and that was after I had bribed him with M&Ms (which then got hair on them, giving him reason to scream some more...). I pretty much figured that my in-laws would be rushing down from their house to check on why he was screaming so much, and I probably should make investigations into why they didn’t—so much noise from a mere tenth or two of a mile away, and no response?  What kind of emergency system are we running here anyways?! :P

Since he's always wearing his Davy Crockett hat, no one actually knows what his hair looks like (a skater boy), but here's what it looks like now!

Steve says I should have left his bangs a little longer. I'm just thinking, the shorter I cut it now, the longer I get to put off the next scream-fest!

Also newsy and important in the world of the two little guys: Mom tried to be one of those clever moms-like-you-read-about who do educational things with their kiddos...and, just sayin’, Sarah Ortiz, you made this look *way* easier, and also *way way* tidier...but they had a lot of fun—when  Leo wasn't busy saying “NO Daniel! That’s MY spoon!”, or otherwise trying to circumvent the paparazzi ("NO! Don't take a picture me!"). J

And, in Sarah's defense, Daniel wasn't distracted enough for me by mere flour in a pan...so I added water...and spoons...and paid for it later in the form of a floor (and a baby--look at that face!) that needed to be scraped clean...and I was mostly just trying to get some dishes done. Mom: 0 Boyos: 500

Oh, and Daniel turns 1 on Thursday. Nope, not kidding. :P